From Heroin to Heroine

So I have written about this subject before a little but as Overdose Awareness month comes to a close I wanted to dive in and let it all out, here goes nothing... 

When we are young we have all these dreams and hopes and things we thought we would be or at least could if we tried. All of them being successful, life changing, exciting and hopeful, what we never picture our lives being is in the gutter it's always that far off distant possibility but it's not something we think of often because we are more focused on our dreams. 

Growing up I tried just about every sport, I loved my life most of the time, and had very supportive parents. I dreamed of the things I would accomplish and being high up in important companies. I never would have guessed I would be where I am today that's for certain. Sometimes I feel shaken by this fact but I come to terms with it more and more everyday.

To anyone out there who says, "I would never" trust me, I was you. I drank (drank a lot) in high school and started smoking weed, did a lot of E, and started taking pain pills. I thought I was having fun, being young, doing what every other kid my age was doing. 

When I started college I started to do all of those things a lot more and added coke to the mix, I was having fun, making new friends, and felt at home... When I was high. When I wasn't I was depressed and lonely and not sure what to do with myself. I dropped out of school, drank and dis drugs more, and didn't think much of it.

The day I smoked my first Oxy I was in heaven, I had finally found my drug of choice. I kept up the partying for awhile until it wasn't fun anymore, and I would rather be with my pills and roll of foil. I cleaned up my act a little when I moved home but it didn't last long. Before I knew it I had bottles of Xanax and Oxys in my bag and was doing them at home, work, school, EVERYWHERE. This went on for the next couple years, spending every dime I had on pills, and keeping myself well. It had taken its toll, everyone around me knew and was trying to help me and I decided "yes" I wanted help.

I turned to NA and other recovery programs, but was set to move again to finish my four year at University. My sobriety didn't last long after moving back to Spokane, all the old people, places, and things, and most prominently ME. My life continued like this, slowly getting worse, but I didn't know what to do, so of course, I kept getting high. I don't really know why it's called getting high, because I was staying high. After being asked if I wanted to go to rehab, I went more than willingly!

After 5 rehabs (inpatient and outpatient) and numerous relapses I had finally had enough! I sit today with almost 9 months clean, following God, and making plans for my future. My life has not followed the path I thought it would, but I have found happiness and joy through the trials and am grateful for whet I am today, and for once PROUD of who I am today.

I title'd this "From Heroin to Heroine" because in the end, no matter how many times I got taken to rehab by my parents, no matter how deep and dark my life got. I had to save myself (with God's help, of course) but no one was going to do it for me. People tried, trust me, but it was never going to work until I decided it was going to.

If you have a loved one struggling or you are the loved one struggling, please reach out, please save yourself, because this will kill you and before it kills your physical body it will kill your joy, heart, and soul. Love you all! Thanks for the support & love & faith!

Lex